A good Father’s Day greeting isn’t in the cards

Greeting cards are pithy, uncreative, overly sappy, wordy, or full of humor I would never share with my children or parents.

And yet some of them are $3.99 a piece—or more.

I thought the Valentine’s Day cards were horrible, but today I decided that Father’s Day cards are worse.

Walking into the store, I thought, “How hard can it be to find a few cards?”

Well, it’s not hard at all—if you want a card featuring:

a.       a fish
b.      a duck
c.       a boat
d.      a beer can or
e.      a golf club.

It’s even easier if you’re looking for one that discusses

a.       your father’s laziness
b.      your need for your father to give you cash
c.       flatulence
d.      beer, beer, and more beer
e.      a father’s interest in a scantily clad woman or
f.        a father’s interest in a scantily clad woman cooking burgers on a grill.

But here’s the thing.

None of those will work for my father, my father-in-law, or my husband. Do they work for yours? Do they work for anyone’s?

And aren’t we celebrating fathers, rather than pointing out their weaknesses? Why are mothers glorified and fathers beaten down?

I finally found cards that would work, but it took some hunting. And I’m still not thrilled, especially knowing what they cost. My father and my sons’ father would not approve of the expense.

Now I don’t like complaining without offering a solution. So, dear greeting card companies, here’s my suggestion for next year’s Father’s Day cards.

You can write:

Who needs a fishing pole or caddy?
You’re still the most fantastic daddy.

Or, if you’re more into prose:

To the Greatest Father in the World:
You taught me how to ride a bike, pick a crab, and change a tire.
Too bad you never showed me how to pick a decent Father’s Day card.

Next year maybe I can convince the boys we should just make our own.

I hope your Father’s Day card shopping went better than mine. Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers—and to all those waiting to become fathers!

Joining Theology Is a Verb and Reconciled to You for Worth Revisit Wednesday on June 10, 2015.

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