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“… before all else comes the individual person, in his wholeness and dignity. And people should not be defined only by their sexual tendencies: let us not forget that God loves all his creatures, and we are destined to receive his infinite love.” [1]

-Pope Francis

 

“…when we have fallen in love with Christ, our lives acquire a new horizon of hope that enables us, even now, to live differently, and to strive eagerly for holiness, that is, an ever-deeper participation in God’s Triune glory and self-giving love.” [2]

                                                                                          –Archbishop Lori

 

Introduction | Like Every Disciple…

Like every disciple, you and I are called to a lifelong journey of turning toward the Lord, seeking to know and love Him more and more deeply each day. The starting point for this journey is not a decision we make or something we choose but God’s call. God first loved us. “In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins.”[3] In Baptism God claims us as his own, from that day “we are the Lord’s.”[4]  We became a new creation and were given a new identity: beloved daughters and sons of the Father. This is the core of who we are. This is our truest identity.

In recent decades there has been an increased awareness within the Church of the experience of our sisters and brothers who are same-sex attracted. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church reminds us, “the number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible.”[5] Even more recently there has been a greater attention to those who experience gender discordance or those who may consider themselves to be gender nonconforming. While these different experiences are unique and distinct, those who share this variety of experiences often identify as “LGBT.”[6]

Persons who may identify as LGBT are daughters and sons of God, they are our brothers and sisters in Christ, they are members of the Body of Christ, they are our family members and friends. Like every human person, they were created with a desire for intimacy with Jesus Christ. Like every disciple, LGBT persons are called to a lifelong journey of turning toward the Lord, seeking to know and love Him more and more deeply each day. The experience of LGBT persons means that they approach this journey of discipleship within a particular context, yet the deepest needs of their heart are the same. The Church, with a mother’s tenderness, never forsakes or abandons any of her children but seeks to draw them close and lead them to Christ, who fulfills their hearts’ desire. As Pope Francis reminds us there are “three words that indicate God’s style: nearness, compassion, tenderness.”[7] If this is the method of Christ, it must also be the method of the Church.

In response to the pastoral needs of LGBT persons and their families a variety of ministries have emerged throughout the Church and indeed here in the Archdiocese of Baltimore. While these ministries vary in their approach, I think it is fair to say that they all begin from a desire to respond to a similar question that is posed in the lives of our LGBT brothers and sisters: What does it mean to follow Christ and belong to the Church as person who identifies as “LGBT”?

Whatever our gender or sexual orientation, the same is true. God loves us where we are, as we are. But God is always inviting us to a more abundant life. God loves us too much to leave us as we are. He calls each and every one of us to a lifelong journey of growing closer to him, in a word: discipleship. Following Christ is not a program of self-improvement, but an experience of falling in love with the One who first loved us. Having received this love we, in turn, are called to share that love with others.

Tension: Charity and Truth

I would not be the first to say that we live in a polarized time. Our polarized discourse often frames things in reductive categories. Many things are presented as being either “this” or “that.” People are seen as separated into “us” and “them.” What often follows is the denial that two different realities can be held in tension. Our Catholic tradition is known for responding to “either/or” questions with a “both/and” response.

Many would say that someone can either be Catholic or be LGBT. They would suggest that to be both Catholic and LGBT would require rejecting some part of their identity or rejecting some aspect of the Church’s teaching. Thus, the question we face as a local church is this: How do we offer pastoral accompaniment to LGBT persons and their families in a way that truly welcomes and embraces them while faithfully teaching the truth about human sexuality that God has revealed in creation, Scripture, and Tradition? How can such accompaniment lead LGBT persons into a deeper relationship with the person of Jesus Christ and his body the Church?

When it comes to accompaniment of LGBT persons, two elements must be held in a life-giving tension. The first is our desire to welcome every person into relationship with Christ and his Body, the Church. The second is the desire to lead people to the fullness of life that flows from knowing the liberating truth about the human person that has been revealed to us in nature and fully in the person of Jesus Christ.

The first element—the desire for charity, the desire to truly welcome and embrace sexual minorities, to hear their stories, to walk with them in their struggles—is essential. Without this, no such ministry is possible. We should not presume to understand what each person has gone through or is going through. Openness to the lived experience of LGBT persons and a desire to walk with them is essential. We also recognize the feelings of hurt and rejection that many LGBT persons may have felt from those who should care most deeply for them: family members, clergy and members of their parish community. The response of the Church must always be the response of Christ which is love.

The response of the Church must also always be one of truth. If we are to love people, in the truest and deepest way, we must desire their good. To love is to desire the good of the other. This requires us to ask questions about what is truly good: What are we made for? What does it mean to be a human person? What is the meaning of human sexuality? What is sacred about our embodied nature? These have always been important questions, but they are even more important today when there is so much confusion and rancor. Without facing these questions in light of revealed truth, these ministries cannot bear fruit. But there is hope. In our desire to know what is good and true we are not alone. God reveals his plan through creation. This revelation is reflected in the Church’s teaching. This teaching is not an obstacle to human flourishing around which we navigate, but rather is an invitation to the abundant life that God promises. The truth is not something we create but something we receive as a gift.

Holistic Approach

While we experience a tension in balancing charity and truth, we also know that in Jesus, they are one. Truth is not an impediment to charity; and charity is no threat to truth; they mutually inform one other. Truth requires charity and charity needs truth. Navigating this tension is not easy. As the various ministries that are arising to serve LGBT persons have developed, it has become clear that there is often a struggle to hold these two essential elements in a life-giving tension. As a result, these ministries may tend more strongly toward one element or another. We need both.

Living with this tension is challenging. Nonetheless it is possible to live this way because we do not do this alone. “The Spirit comes to the aid of our weakness.”[8] In Baptism, the Spirit comes to dwell in our hearts and through the sacraments, God shares his life with us. This has an effect. Filled with this grace we can say with confidence, “I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me.”[9]

Finally, I think we would all agree that this is a delicate topic. While we seek to speak the truth in charity, no set of guidelines—however thorough—will say all that needs to be said or say it in the best way. As such we approach this task with a great deal of humility asking always for the Holy Spirit to preserve us in communion, fidelity, and love.

What I also realize is that nothing is more powerful than building relationships and walking together. These ministries will require an ongoing dialogue with those who exercise pastoral leadership in the Archdiocese of Baltimore. Any parish engaging in any form of ministry with LGBT persons and their families must have my approval. Furthermore, Pastors and the leadership of these ministries must be in an ongoing conversation with their Regional Vicar, Emmaus Team members, as well as the Coordinator of LGBT Outreach. They are a means of support to the parishes that seek to carry out these ministries with the holistic approach presented in this document.

What follows is a series of guidelines that I am establishing to guide this ongoing dialogue. The goal is to help parishes in their outreach to LGBT persons and their families while adhering to the teaching of the faith. These guidelines are aimed to show a path for maintaining this life-giving tension.

 

Essential Characteristics of Pastoral Accompaniment

RECOGNIZING THE REALITY OF OUR NEED.

SHOWING COMPASSION, RESPECT, AND SENSITIVITY.

JOURNEYING TOGETHER IN LIGHT OF OUR CALLING.

HAVING A DIFFERENT KIND OF CONVERSATION.

LIVING ROOTED IN THE CHURCH.

BEING WILLING TO MAKE THE LONG JOURNEY.

 

PASTORAL ACCOMPANIMENT RECOGNIZES THE REALITY OF OUR NEED.

Every ministry in the Church emerges from the reality of a need within the community. Ministry with persons who identify as LGBT is no different. Such ministries emerge because there is a need to be present to LGBT persons and their families. At the same time, those involved in these ministries, or any ministry for that matter, must always begin from an awareness of a deeper need; our human need for God, and the Lord’s continual call to follow him more closely.

None of us has “arrived.” We are a pilgrim people, on a journey, but that journey can only begin because we are looking for something. None of us, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, is perfect just the way we are, as some might say “I’m OK, you’re OK.” St. Paul reminds us that “all have sinned and are deprived of the glory of God.”[10] We are truly not “OK.”

But our desire for God is more than merely a remedy for sin. The psalmist expresses the deep longing in our heart when he says, “As the deer longs for streams of water, so my soul longs for you, O God.”[11] As St. Augustine, no stranger to the struggle of discipleship, reminds us, “Our hearts were made for you, O Lord, and they are restless until they rest in you.”[12] Perhaps the better approach to our situation is to say, “I’m not OK, you’re not OK, and that’s OK.” It’s “OK” because it helps us realize our need. Only then do we seek the fulfillment of our desire which is found ultimately in intimacy with the Triune God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

From this it follows that:

1. Ministry with persons who identify as LGBT exists to help people on the lifelong path of discipleship and discipleship begins from an awareness of our need for the Lord.
2. Our desire to follow Christ is always the response to God’s invitation of love: God first loves us, and we respond to that love. The essential disposition we need is an openness to receive the love of God, to hear his word and to respond to his love.
3. The deepest desire of every human heart is intimacy with the Father through Christ in the communion of the Holy Spirit.
4. Ideology, of any kind, proposes an incomplete answer to the desires of the human heart. It proposes a finite substitute for our infinite hunger. As such it stands in opposition to the essential disposition of openness, which is ultimately an openness to a relationship with Christ that fills the infinite hunger of our hearts.
5. Those who lead these ministries must themselves be disciples. They must first have an awareness of their own need for Christ and his call to follow more closely each day.

 

PASTORAL ACCOMPANIMENT SHOWS COMPASSION, RESPECT, AND SENSITIVITY.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church reminds us that for many of those who experience same-sex attraction this constitutes “a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.”[13] LGBT persons are not a problem to be solved but, like every disciple, people in need of love. Every person has a deep desire for belonging. By showing compassion, respect and sensitivity to their lived experience, the Church witnesses to the fact that LGBT persons are valued members of the Church, that they belong. Every parish should extend to LGBT persons the radical hospitality of Christ.

Sadly, many persons who identify as LGBT, like many other Catholics, no longer actively practice their faith. Often the Church’s contact with LGBT persons is through their family members. As a result, the Church’s work of accompaniment will often be directed toward families of those who identify as LGBT. These families may be in very different places and have very different views.  One thing remains the same: these families love their children. This likewise deserves our compassion respect and sensitivity.

From this it follows that:

1. We recognize the struggles of LGBT persons, and the feelings of pain and rejection that they may have, even with the Church and her ministers.
2. These ministries must be a safe place where people are free to share their stories and know that they will be welcomed and listened to without condemnation.
3. We must remember that the experiences of LGBT persons are diverse. These ministries must not make assumptions or place people into reductive categories but accept each person and listen to their unique story.
4. LGBT persons have a variety of views on the nature of same-sex attraction or gender. Likewise, those who participate in these ministries—be they LGBT persons, their family members, or friends—may be at different places in their own journey of faith. Once again, these ministries must respect the unique gifts and experience of each person.
5. Those who lead these ministries must have a deep love for the people they serve, for our LGBT brothers and sisters and their families. They must have a willingness to listen to their stories with an open heart. They must see each person as a person, not as an idea or a commodity.

 

PASTORAL ACCOMPANIMENT JOURNEYS TOGETHER IN LIGHT OF OUR CALLING.

If we are going to take a journey, we must be heading somewhere. The Church is a pilgrim people. While we may not always know the next step clearly, we know where we are heading: toward union with God and the fullness of life to which he calls us. We are not left without a path. Thomas asked Jesus, “Lord, we do not know where you are going; how do we know the way?”[14] to which Jesus responded, “I am the way and the truth and the life.”[15]

We are journeying to the Father. Christ is the fullness of the revelation of the Father. He also, as the Second Vatican Council teaches us, reveals humanity to itself. He teaches us what it is to be human.[16] On the basis of what has been revealed to us we know our destiny: life with God. We are pilgrims not wanderers.

We also have a guide along the path. The teaching authority of the Church, guided by the Holy Spirit, leads the Christian people along the path to salvation. This is not merely an exercise in worldly management. The Spirit comes to the aid of the Church and, through the diversity of gifts poured out on a diversity of offices, guides the Church to all truth.

From this it follows that:

1. Pastoral accompaniment of persons who identify as LGBT should help them to encounter the person of Jesus Christ and respond to that encounter in a life of joyful self-sacrificing love.
2. These ministries, like every ministry of the Archdiocese, have a goal: to form missionary disciples. They must help people know and love Jesus Christ and form them to share what they have found by inviting others into relationship with Christ.
3. All the baptized are called to conform their lives to the model of Christ who was poor, chaste and obedient. Chastity is the calling of every Catholic. For many, especially in our current culture, living chastely is a great struggle. Those who are engaged in this struggle may fail time and time again, but their striving deserves our deepest respect, admiration, and support.
4. While it is important that those involved are able to grapple with Church teaching, these ministries cannot be aimed at changing the teaching of the Church. The teaching of the Church is not merely a set of policies, but the handing on of revealed truth. As such, Church teaching should not to be reduced to worldly or political categories.

 

PASTORAL ACCOMPANIMENT HAS A DIFFERENT KIND OF CONVERSATION.

In John’s Gospel, Jesus tells the disciples, “…you do not belong to the world. I have chosen you out of the world.”[17] Just as Christ made his dwelling among us, as Christians we are called to make our dwelling in the world, a world filled with a variety of challenges and opportunities. At the same time, we do not belong to the world. The Church is made up of those who have been “called out” of the world. This is not to stand above or apart but to be a light to the nations.

The conversations that we have, the way we approach difficulties or challenges, should be different. What we have to offer then is not something of the world, but something other worldly. We share what we first received: the love of God. Christ has come to heal what is broken. “By his wounds we were healed.”[18] As a result, we can face life differently. Christ gives us a peace “not as the world gives.”[19]

One major difference is the ability to see beyond false dichotomies (seeing things as either “this” or “that”). Peace comes not from changing a teaching, or eliminating our struggles, but from realizing our need for God, opening our hearts to the abundance of grace that he offers to us, and accepting the companionship he provides for us in the Christian community.

 From this it follows that:

1. The structure of the ministry facilitates the nature of the conversation. To have meaningful dialogue in our current culture is very hard. We all need to listen to each other, but sadly, too often the loudest voices tend to dominate the conversation. To facilitate this different kind of conversation, personal accompaniment may be preferable to group meetings.
2. People are in different places and have different needs. As with all ministries, a confidentiality of dialogue and spirit of mutual respect is essential. This would apply not only to what is said, but who is present. Those who participate must be able to speak without worrying that their participation in the ministry will be known or what they say will be shared.
3. Any ministry involving minors must be family-based, carefully considered, age-appropriate and distinct from ministry with adults. In a particular way, pastoral accompaniment of minors experiencing gender nonconformity must be in accordance with the teaching of the Church.[20]
4. Ministry with LGBT persons should be shaped toward offering pastoral accompaniment rather than advocating for changes to Church teaching. We should see these as ministries of pastoral care rather than social justice.
5. Those who lead these ministries must be people of prayer who are attentive to the voice of the Spirit and faithful to Christ and His Church. They must also possess the capacity to facilitate a different kind of conversation which holds in tension both openness and fidelity, charity and truth.

 

PASTORAL ACCOMPANIMENT LIVES ROOTED IN THE CHURCH.

For a plant to grow it needs roots. This image is found in John’s Gospel where Jesus tells his disciples, “Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me.”[21] In Christian art the image of the vine is associated with the Church. The Church is not a club or a political party. The Church is the Mystical Body of Christ. The Church is a life that grows from the cross of Christ. For us to grow as persons, we need to be rooted. This is not an abstract concept but a lived experience: we need a place where we belong. That place, that life, is the Church.

At the same time, we realize that this experience of belonging to the Church is often challenging for LGBT persons. Often the Church and her teaching are presented as being “against” LGBT persons, as if she were the enemy of human flourishing. In truth, the teaching of the Church is a path to life, not an obstacle around which we must navigate. Through the Church and the sacramental life of the Church, we remain in Christ and receive the life-giving fruit that comes from the true vine.

From this it follows that:

1. Accompaniment of persons who identify as LGBT must be firmly rooted in the person of Jesus Christ and the reality of his Mystical Body which is the Church.
2. While these ministries are an important space of dialogue, and a forum to grapple with challenging teachings, the teaching of the Church must not only be acknowledged but truly embraced as a path to life.
3. Through pastoral accompaniment, the whole of the teaching of the Church must be presented compassionately, not in an aggressive or defensive way, but clearly, completely, and faithfully.
4. Participation in these ministries should lead strengthening of the bonds of communion with the whole of the Church.
5. These ministries should deepen members’ relationship with the Lord in prayer and their participation in the life of the Church, most especially the sacramental life of the Church, through which we encounter the Lord’s presence and receive His grace.
6. Those who lead these ministries must have a solid foundation in the teaching of the Church regarding the nature of the human person, the meaning of human sexuality and moral theology. They must not only accept the Church’s teaching but truly embrace it and possess an ability to convey it clearly and charitably.

 

PASTORAL ACCOMPANIMENT IS WILLING TO MAKE THE LONG JOURNEY.

During an in-flight interview, Pope Francis was asked about homosexual persons who come to confession to which he responded, “If a person is gay and seeks out the Lord and is willing, who am I to judge that person?” LGBT persons who are earnestly struggling to seek the Lord should not merely be tolerated but indeed truly loved and encouraged as they, like every Christian, walk along the path of discipleship.

On the journey of discipleship there comes a point where we can no longer ignore what we have seen and heard, what we have experienced, and the love that we have found in Jesus Christ. There comes a point when, however challenging following him may be, we cannot be truly happy anywhere else. As he watched the crowds who were unable to accept his teaching walk away Jesus turned to Peter and asked if he would do the same. Peter was filled with his own doubts and weaknesses, but he reached a point where nothing in life would be the same without Christ. Responding to Jesus Peter says, “Lord to whom shall we go? You have the words of everlasting life?”[22]

Many in the world today promise us a quick fix to our problems and easy answer to our questions. This is particularly true in the experience of those who experience gender nonconformity. As a Church, we must be willing to make the long journey. We must be willing to accompany LGBT persons on this long journey: to meet them where they are and accompany them as together, we seek more. We begin this long journey with a destination in mind: the fulfillment of our destiny. We find this through a life in Christ, the abundant life he desires for us here and eternal life with him in heaven.

From this it follows that:

1. The path of discipleship is long and challenging, but nothing is more beautiful or worthwhile. The essential dispositions needed for the journey are patience and fidelity.
2. The purpose of LGBT accompaniment cannot be about “fixing problems” but walking with people as they seek to better know and love Christ. Every disciple must put in the lifelong hard work of breaking down barriers in our hearts that keep us from listening to the Spirit and responding to the Spirit’s promptings in our lives.
3. Those engaged in the work of accompaniment must realize that the path toward Christ is often slow and winding, missteps will happen, but the work of accompaniment, mirroring the patient mercy of the Father, must move toward a greater fidelity to Christ and to what he desires for the human person.
4. Those who lead these ministries must be willing to put in the long and hard work of walking with others on this long journey. They must also be people who are likewise “on the road” who recognize they grow as they help others to grow.

 

Conclusion | Burning for Your Peace

The disciples followed Christ because they found in him something they were looking for, something they desired. This prompted them to leave everything and follow him. But Christ does not merely sit back and wait for us to come to him. “The Son of Man has come to seek and to save the lost.”[23] Throughout the Gospels we see Jesus going out, seeking after those most in need of his love. Andrew, Mary Magdalene, Matthew, Zacchaeus, the man born blind, the Samaritan Woman at the Well, the list goes on. Christ is not just a figure of history; he is alive and active here and now. We pursue him because we desire him, even more so he constantly pursues us because he desires us. “Before our response to his invitation – well before! – there is his desire for us.”[24]

One of the greatest seekers in the history of the Church was St. Augustine. Augustine was a man who burned with desire. He spent his life seeking after something that would fulfill this desire. This seeking led him in many different directions, some good and some not so good. But he never settled for what failed to satisfy. In his marvelous autobiography, The Confessions, he writes the beautiful prayer with which I will conclude. In it he speaks of how even when we seem far from God, God is seeking after us.

As we desire God, so God desires us. Christ alone is the fulfillment of our desire. I hope and pray that these ministries will help our LGBT sisters and brothers, like every disciple, to know the depth of their desire for union with God and the depth of God’s desire to be close to them. When we are aware of the fullness of this love, life is never the same; nothing other than Christ will satisfy and we “burn for his peace.” 

 

Late have I loved you, Beauty so ancient and so new, late have I loved you!

Lo, you were within,

but I outside, seeking there for you,

and upon the shapely things you have made

I rushed headlong – I, misshapen.

You were with me, but I was not with you.

They held me back far from you,

those things which would have no being,

were they not in you. 

You called, shouted, broke through my deafness;

you flared, blazed, banished my blindness;

you lavished your fragrance, I gasped; and now I pant for you;

I tasted you, and now I hunger and thirst;

you touched me, and I burned for your peace. [25]

-St. Augustine

[1] Pope Francis, The Name of God is Mercy

[2] Archbishop Lori, “Light Brightly Visible 2.0”

[3] 1 John 4:10

[4] Romans 14:8

[5] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2358

[6] Various terms are often used to describe those who experience same-sex attraction or gender discordance. For the purposes of these guidelines the term “LGBT” will be used. This is not intended to imply that the experience of homosexuality and gender nonconformity are the same. Indeed, these experiences are quite different and require unique pastoral responses that are suited to the needs of the person. Likewise, the use of the term “LGBT” is not intended to imply the Church’s affirmation of what may be implied when using this term in the broader culture. This term is used to speak in a manner which respects how many of those who experience same-sex attraction or gender discordance themselves would identify.

[7] Pope Francis, Angelus Address, 14 February 2021

[8] Romans 8:26

[9] Philippians 4:13

[10] Romans 3:23

[11] Psalm 42:2

[12] St. Augustine, Confessions

[13] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2358

[14] John 14:5

[15] John 14:6

[16] Gaudium et Spes, 22

[17] John 15:19

[18] Isaiah 53:5

[19] John 14:27

[20] See United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, Committee on Doctrine, “Doctrinal Note on the Moral Limits to the Technological Manipulation of the Human Body.” (Link here)

[21] John 15:4

[22] John 6:68

[23] Luke 19:10

[24] Pope Francis. Desiderio Desideravi. 6.

[25] St. Augustine. Confessions. Lib. 10, 26. 37-29, 40