Lauri Przybysz, MS ED
ACT Column Sept. 20, 2002/October issue
Brian and Holly are planning to marry early next spring. He is Catholic; she is Jewish. Barbara and Stan are also engaged. She is Baptist and he is Catholic. Pam and Joe are also marrying soon. Pam is an active Catholic attending Mass every Sunday, while Joe comes from a “Christmas, Easter, and funerals” family. They are both Catholics, but theirs is also a mixed religion marriage. Although they were both baptized in the same faith tradition, they are coming to realize that the similarity of their religious practice ends there.
“Mixed religion” usually refers to a marriage in which the couple is of two different faith traditions, but actually each person approaches God in a personal as well as an “institutional” way. While some people have no religious tradition, they may be curious about religion and open to learning more. Some, often with reason, are hostile to organized religion themselves, or may be mystified that church means so much to their spouse. Still, the religion and conscience of each partner is to be treated with respect.
Successful couples, whether same or interfaith, have found common spiritual values – common ground -- to celebrate and pass on to their children. Cokie and Steve Roberts, in their recent book exploring marriage in America, From This Day Forward (Perennial/HarperCollins Publishers, www.harpercollins.com), tell how a Catholic bride and Jewish groom dealt with faith and family issues in their own marriage. Cokie, a nationally-known journalist and a Catholic, decided to learn all she could about Steve’s Jewish heritage. After 30 years of marriage, Steve says that his parents wouldn’t miss Cokie’s Seder meal. They tell how they raised their children to appreciate both faith traditions, and other faith traditions as well. Each partner became a better member of his or her own religion in the process of building spirituality as a couple, and as individuals.
The way a person, and a couple, decides to grow closer to God – to be holy – will vary from family to family. Every couple that enters a Christian marriage (where at least one is a Christian) takes on four spiritual tasks:
- To form a community of persons
- To serve life
- To participate in the development of society
- To share in the life and mission of the Church
Most of us will recognize that we indeed have been doing the first three tasks to some degree, for better or worse.
The last task may sound specifically “religious”, difficult to relate to if we don’t have the same traditions. However, with humility, we can find common ground. How? “By showing your children a model of life based on truth, freedom, justice, and love and by active involvement in social causes and support of groups that work for such issues.” (Apostolic Exhortation, Familiaris Consortio, 1981)
Observe your neighborhood, parish or school. Judge a real need, no matter how small, and decide to Act to make a change for the better. Involve children if you can. Band together with other couples of like mind – though maybe not of like religion – to work on an issue of justice or truth in this election year. The Christian Family Movement helps families create such intentional networks.
Stretch yourself. Investigate your own or your spouse’s faith tradition and learn about one custom or prayer practice that is new to you. Try praying with your spouse in his or her tradition. Invite your spouse to pray with you.
Build bridges of understanding. Learn about a religion that you know little about now. Ask a neighbor or friend whose religion is different to tell some stories of their own religious upbringing.
Work on improving in the first three “Tasks” of the family, above. Observe how your are doing on them, Judge what you need to change, and do something!
Study recent Church teaching on family life and ecumenical affairs: “On the Family” (Familiaris Consortio), Apostolic Exhortation of Pope John Paul II, 1981, or “Follow the Way of Love”, US Bishops Pastoral Message to Families, 1994. “Interchurch Families”, and many more articles and books, US Bishops Secretariat for Ecumenical and Inter-religious Affairs.
