Lauri Przybysz, MS Ed
ACT, February 2003

A couple we have known since their marriage recently told us that we had given them good advice. They had a rocky start, she just finishing high school, he not finishing at all. The young couple struggled, encouraged by two sets of good parents, but responsible for their own bills. They got a break from the grandmas with babysitting now and then. For years, they made do with second-hand furniture and old cars. Together they built a successful business and raised two sons. Now, 25 years later, they were telling us that the advice we gave was precious. What advice? (We couldn’t recall.)

She said, “You told us to make a list of ten things we admired and respected about each other. We did it, and we have practiced looking for those things in each other all these years.” This couple, whose marriage beat the odds, surprised us by adding: “We found out that we could help each other be someone we still admire today.”

In the recent movie As Good As It Gets, Jack Nicholson’s obsessive-compulsive bachelor confesses his love for Helen Hunt’s sensible waitress: “You make me want to be a better man!” She has seen in him qualities that are strong and good, and her vision of him has challenged him to grow and improve. She has faith in him.

The fictional and the real couple express one of marriage’s blessings: The power of loving appreciation and encouragement to bring out the best in a person. When we view our marriage with the eyes of faith, we can see God’s hopes and dreams for us. By appreciating and believing in our spouse, we can give him or her a vision of themselves that is positive and strong. With our spouse as our chief fan and promoter, we can be inspired to rise to the occasion. Love calls us to see our lover as God sees -- and loves -- him or her, yet love also calls us to recognize what is admirable in ourselves.

As the successful couple told us, this mutual appreciation must be practiced to be effective.