Listening

LISTEN; CLARIFY; RESPOND

Share your feelings by first owning them. Begin by making "I" statements, e.g., "I feel angry when you. . . ."
Paraphrase and restate to be sure you heard correctly before responding, e.g., "I hear you saying you feel angry when I . . . ."
Give the other person a chance to say what they really mean. Clarify and ask questions, e.g., "Is this what you meant when you said . . . ?"
Be sensitive to non-verbal clues.
Recognize the importance of body posture, tone of voice, and eye contact when speaking or being spoken to.
"KISS" - "Keep It Short and Simple". It is possible to give the listener a chance to ask for clarification and/or to comment.
Do not offer your opinion or thoughts until you get the floor to speak.
Listen and concentrate on what the speaker is saying. Don't prepare your next point while the speaker is speaking.
Validate/affirm your partner by letting him/her know that you understand what he/she is saying. You don't have to agree.

Technique for Active Listening
"10-10" Model of Communication

1. One person talks (10 minutes).

2. The other listens.

3. The listener repeats (rephrases) issues . . . ideas . . . feelings.

4. Reverse the process: one talks; one listens.

"Words are not the only way you convey messages, so be alert to the other forms of communication."

"When you do talk, think about what you're really communicating. Too much honesty — especially all at once — can be more hostile than caring."

"If it's going to work, communication must be clear and positive."

(Source: Carrie Hansen, LCSW, and Rev. Vince O'Brien, S.J.)