A couple can facilitate growing relationships with a willing spirit and an attitude of openness, patience, flexibility, prayer.

Be prepared for change
Remember that old rules and expectations based on a first marriage experience usually won't apply to this new family situation.

Take time to "court" the stepchildren with family activities
This will give the children an opportunity to get to know each other and begin a bonding process. Your new friendship and role will be different than that of the natural parent.

Respect the natural parent
The natural parent should continue to be the primary disciplinarian, if possible.

Present a united front to the children
Treat each other with respect and never criticize or discount your partner in front of others, especially the children.

Let the children know what you would like to be called
Generally, first names for step-parents are preferred to "Mom" or "Dad". If you bring up the subject, it will save a lot of embarrassment and discomfort.

Invite their respect for your marriage
Be clear that the decision to remarry is your decision and not theirs.

Help children to recognize the change of roles in this new relationship
The children may feel that the new stepparent is trying to push them out. Give the children permission to be children. Let them know that they do not need to assume the role and duties of protector of the natural parent.

Your couple relationship is primary
and may be a positive model for the children. Arrange private time together to nourish your relationship.

Don't try too hard!
Recognize and accept that creating a healthy, happy, and successful stepfamily takes lots of patience, love, preparation, flexibility, acceptance, and time.

Keep praying
All of this must be wrapped in lots of prayer. Expect to see some fruits of your efforts in about three to five years.

CHILDREN FROM FORMER MARRIAGES

Children have a tendency to want things to return to "normal". This relationship, regardless of how loving and supportive, is not normal to them. Their family of origin is the "normal" relationship.

Accept responsibility and maintain relationships with children from a former marriage, even if they do not live with you.

Encourage your new spouse to maintain a relationship with his/her children.